Lebanon // Part Three // Nemr [Tiger]

Julie and I will be married for 8 years this September. In those eight years we have definitely had our ups and downs, but nothing has come close to the highs we have reached since 31st July 2010. Reuben Jack Cavan was born. I remember the nurse passing me this big lump of skin and bones. This wee face looked back up at me. I was given some time alone with him whilst Julie was recovering from the labour. I remember being in a room and for some reason I was fortunate to be in a room that didn't have anyone else in it because I can remember audibly explaining to him that, in no uncertain terms, just how much I loved him. There was an energy running through my veins that I experienced when Ollie was born twenty months later but have rarely experienced since. It was one of the most powerful feelings I have ever experienced. Like if someone had told me to run through a wall, I could have. I was afraid of the devastation I would cause if anyone was to hurt them. 

This feeling has travelled with me, literally everywhere I go. I try and look upon other children especially of the same age with a heart that I have for my boys. 

Thirty minutes  into our first visit to our first camp on day one, my attempt to do this, had me in trouble. 

I was walking around getting some photos. I looked over to where our van was parked and there was a lady sitting on the ground and a little girl who must have only been seven years old was leaning into her. I thought it was a really interesting picture so I asked her if she minded if I took another photo. My friend Chris, who is on staff at Heart for Lebanon and not only speaks Arabic but better English than me, was standing by and I asked him to clarify with the lady if it was ok. I got the green light and got the shots I wanted. Something about it intrigued me though. Chris was still there, so I asked him for the names of the lady and the little girl. So Chris engaged the lady in conversation. After the pleasantries of finding out their names, I asked her what relation the little girl was to her. 

"I am her grandmother, her mother [my daughter] was killed in the war."

I was immediately taken aback by the matter of fact nature of this news. I hadn't become accustomed to the reality where a story like this was so heartbreaking common. I asked if the girl remembered her mother, to which I was informed that she did. I was hit by a wave of empathy for this little girl, her eyes now told me more of her story. 

I hadn't even noticed the little boy standing to the side. The grandmother introduced him to us too. 

"This is Nemr, he is four years old, he is my grandson, and the little girl's cousin."

Now my attention turned directly to him. My mind immediately jumped to Reuben back at home. His face was replaced by Reuben's and my face lit up, I recognised that feeling pour through my veins. I asked Chris to repeat the name to me, he said it's English translation would be Tiger. I asked about Tiger's story.

Sometimes, since I have been home, I wish I hadn't asked this question. As the next few minutes was a blur. 

I watched Chris interact with the grandmother. She whilst chatting to Chris, nudged the little boy. Chris reacted and seemed to immediately comfort the boy. 

For some reason I continued to take photos of what was happening in front of me. I still don't know why I did, I still can't work out if I am glad I did. 

Chris turned to me and said.

"His father was slaughtered in front of him" 

I watched as this little boy crumbled in front of me. The grandmother had encouraged Nemr to tell us what he saw. Chris stepped in at this point and said how we didn't need to know, and immediately comforted the boy as he broke down. Watching his little head drop with the weight of his memories was horrific. He then sat back on his heels and covered his eyes. 

I had to take a step back.

My heart was broken.

I then sat and watched as Chris in the most gentle way tried to reassure him that he was safe and that he didn't have to share his story. 

I have been a Christian for over 15 years. Everyday I struggle with what it means. However, its in moments where I see people show love to each other that I am more confident than ever that Jesus is real. 

It was clear that Chris' heart was broken. He stayed with the boy, just being peaceful with him. Using his hands, gently placing them on his little knee and his back allowing his comforting presence to give the peace and reassurance that little Tiger needed . Not through any supernatural interaction, just the simple act of human touch. 

I asked Chris about this afterwards and he told me that you hear stories like this so often that it would be easy to become numb to them. 

Tiger later rallied, and I got to take some photos of him as he played with his friends and ran around laughing. You can see some of those photos from yesterdays post. To see the wonder and innocence of play was a sharp reminder to me of how young he is, and how we should be doing everything we can to protect the innocence of childhood. Seeing that robbed from a little four year old boy is one of the hardest things I have ever experienced. 

Unfortunately, whilst this particular story had a massive impact on me. We continued to hear stories like this for the whole time we visited the temporary Syrian communities in Lebanon. 

Click HERE for Part Four

Lebanon // Part Two // Day One in Bekaa

Here are some photos followed by my reflection from the first day in the Bekaa Valley.

“A lot of the time, I write a lot of angry stuff, but then I don’t want to be a finger-pointer - I’d rather be a cheerleader than a judge. I don’t want to preach as if I’m in some position of righteousness, but I do want to speak my mind and scream at the clouds and shout out of the pit of hopelessness that I sometimes think the human race is in.
”

— Dave Matthews

Sometimes in life its good to prepare yourself. Other times, no matter how much preparation you do, the circumstance you find yourself in brings you to a place you could never of predict. 

As we drove down into the Bekaa Valley, it looked like the world was opening up before us. This vast land we looked down on from on high. The land then rose up on the other side to lead into Syria. Looking across the valley, nothing could prepare me for the circumstances that people are living in. 

I remember taking one step off the mini van in the first camp we went to, and seeing a number of temporary houses, built from a timber frame with white tarpaulin as a cover. The sun was out and at the start of the day it was getting warm. This was a change as the months previous had been severely cold weather with a lot of snow. 

With my first breathe of the warming spring air of the camps I remember feeling like I had just stepped into a news report. This was what I had been seeing on my TV screen as I watched people report back from camps in Lebanon or other places like this. 

As a photographer I live my life in a constant internal tug of war. With one side wanting to use my camera to capture the images that are in front of me that help tell the story of what I am seeing, but the other side wanting to get involved. Get my hands dirty. However the images in front of me captivated me so much I could but not get the camera out.

In any situation I have been in different countries, its the children and old people that have interested me the most. 

The first person I saw was a little blonde girl. She was standing outside her home with a pair of blue jeans on and a blue/red jumper. She looked on with intrigue. 

The ground was uneven, there was a large pool of dirty water to my right, there was electrical cables over head and satellite dishes everywhere. We had been told that TV, apart from keeping people from being bored as there was very little to do, was the only way they had to keep an eye on what was happening across the boarder in their homeland. 

The food truck arrived and in a very orderly fashion, people started queuing up. The numbers of people grew as word got out the truck had arrived. 

At first I was very cautious of the photos I was taking. I did this as to to not offend or take advantage of people. I made sure I had a translator near me at all times and used my non verbal skills of pointing to my camera to ask permission before I took peoples photos. 

As I stood there taking in my surroundings it just hit me. The feeling of having to stand in line to be given food. Food you had no opportunity to earn. Food and supplies that was keeping your loved ones away from immediate starvation and disease. I placed myself in the line with Julie standing beside me and Reuben and Ollie running around playing in the dirt. As I placed myself in their shoes, whilst I could conjure up a feeling of gratitude for the Heart for Lebanon staff for passing out the food, the greater and overriding feeling was anxiety and hopelessness. 

Whilst I know that there is genuine need in some of the communities around me where I live now and for sure there was genuinely need in the communities I lived in whilst I was in America, I am normally surrounded by people in need for the things they want, rather than just in need. I was amazed by the stark difference between need and want. 

A lot of these Syrian families came from a similar understanding. In Syria, life was very different, I am sure that for some life has always been tough, but for the majority they lived lives where their kids got an education, they searched for jobs to pay the bills and to feed and clothe their family. Now all the have is a temporary structure that by its nature could be asked to be taken down at any stage, and standing patiently inline whilst someone calls out your family name and you get supplies that need to last you one month, but in reality do you for 12/13 days. 

I was overwhelmed by the overarching issue of what I was seeing, however, it wasn't until I asked my translator to ask a elderly lady and the two kids she was with a question, that the heartbreaking reality of the lives that where in front of me became painfully clear...

Click HERE for Part Three

Lebanon // Part One // Intro

'You are going to Lebanon' 

I have heard this sentence twice in my life time. The feeling I had the second time was vastly different from the first time I heard it over ten years previously. 

I had my head set on getting on a team going to Brazil in 2002. It was also a Tearfund Team being led by close friends of mine. I was 18 at the time and was going to be the second time I had ever been on a plane. During that summer lots of my friends where going on Spanish holidays to celebrate leaving school, but because I had repeated my lower sixth year, I still had another year to go and thought this chance to go to Brazil was too good to be true. However interest in the Brazil team was high, so initially I was rejected and told I was going to Lebanon instead. I am not going to lie. I was really disappointed. Lebanon? Really? It sounds no where near as good as Brazil. However, after someone dropped out I got my place on the trip and had an amazing experience in Brazil that has formulated a lot of how I am today. I still to this day carry the shame of my reaction about being offered the chance to serve in Lebanon, so it was to my excitement when that same sentence was told to me a few months back. 

Last year I was in Uganda [you can see my blog post HERE] - on that trip one person I had away was Jasper Rutherford, who fronts up two christian summer festivals in Ireland, Summer Madness & Catalyst. I have known Jasper for years and it was great to take him to Africa for the first time. I have been to Africa now four times, twice to Uganda, once to Kenya and also to South Africa. I love that continent. Especially the countries I have visited. Whilst in Uganda Jasper & I shot films for a campaign we where going to run at the festivals. On the back of those campaigns, we raised lots of money for water and sanitation projects. The success of the campaign caught us all by surprise, and on the last day of the festival we hatched a follow up campaign about refugees. When I pitched the idea to Tearfund, they where really excited and immediately got the ball rolling for how this trip would work. 

So within a few frantic months of planning we boarded I plane to Lebanon. We have two others with us. Nigel Gilbert is a local business man and is on the board of directors for the summer festivals fronted by Jasper. Huw Tyler is one my favourite member of staff at Tearfund and he was in Uganda, and creatively we work very well together. However last minute he had to drop out so I was able to ask someone else that I have been wanting to work with for a few years. Good friend Greg Fromholz, an American who has been living in Dublin for 20+ years. Greg was coming to help with the film making part of the trip. Greg is an author and music video director. 

After some intense security training and a lot of reading about Lebanon and the current standing there politically and socially, we touched down in Beirut late on the Sunday evening to be met at the airport by the partner project Heart for Lebanon and Stella Chetham, who is Tearfunds new communication manager for the middle east. 

Who got some rest in preparation for the morning. 

Since 2011 nearly 1.2 Million Syrians have crossed the boarder into Lebanon to escape the conflict. I think its safe to say there are nearly the same amount again who have come in unofficially. 1.2 million is roughly the same amount of people in Northern Ireland [1.8million]. 

Monday morning rolls in and we head out of Beirut heading east into the Bekaa Valley. We arrived in a town called Zahlie where Heart for Lebanon have a warehouse. We met up with the staff and got a briefing about what we where going to do. We where heading into two different camps to do food distribution, we would also get the chance to interview some families.

I was involved in a food distribution whilst in Kenya. I was humbled that people would walk 10km to get the smallest amount food whilst they where going through a drought. So I thought I was prepared for what I was about to see. 

This was different.  

I couldn't put my finger on it. 

It had something to do with the circumstance. I have been in some rough Favelas in Brazil or slums in Africa. But again this seemed different. 

Everyday this week I will be blogging about my experience in Lebanon. By breaking it down into sections, hopefully I will be able to make sense of what I experienced, never mind convey to you. 

Click HERE for Part Two

Andi & Catherine // Hotel il Salviatino //Florence, Italy Wedding

I have known Andi for nearly 10 years. If you are on my site much, you will know of him too. Andi has been a massive influence on me setting up my business and also a massive contributor. Andi is my friend first but also my graphic designer. I am very blessed to know a lot of talented designers but with Andi it just works. He needs little to no brief and just gets it right, time and time again. I owe Andi a lot, he did my current branding at just the right time. He included in the branding exercise, a branding guide. In those words he encouraged me to keep going, just at a time I was doubting whether this was something I wanted to pursue!  

As a designer he knows lots of photographers, so when he met the beautiful Catherine and they got engaged I prepared myself for the awkward conversation. However, little did I know that he always wanted me to do his wedding photos and Catherine was on the same page. Doing photos for your friends always carries an extra amount of nervous energy than normal but this had the added pressure of being in Italy. 

I told him off the bat that I was in a lose lose situation. Peoples expectations would be MASSIVE, not only because they are my friends but the location was so beautiful, people would just expect the photos to be easy. Like shooting fish in a barrel. 

I have been to Italy a few times and whilst I had been in and round the area of Florence I had never spent any time in the city. I flew in a day early to make sure that I got a feel for the city, plus I wanted to take them out around the city the night before the wedding to do some more casual shots. 

Florence is one of the most beautiful cities I have had the pleasure of visiting, and the weather for the few days that we where there was playing ball. 

The wedding was going to happen at the stunning Hotel Il Salviatino which sits up on the hills overlooking Florence. 

Catherine's younger brother Simon [Hutchinson] is a photographer, unfortunately for me, he's not just an average photographer, he's a quality photographer who on any day could make me look average. I had the pleasure of having him along side me for the majority of the time, I pretended to 'teach' him somethings whilst really trying to sabotage his photos, so they didn't turn out better than mine! haha - Fortunately I dont know how successful I was. Its hard to keep talent down. Make sure you take the time to check out his work HERE

The day was simply amazing. I have a whole host of blog posts ready to go up from last year and I want to get them all up here before the summer, but I thought on this grey easter weekend morning, I would bring a little sunshine into your lives. I present to you Andi and Catherine's wedding in Florence 

Check out Andi's work - http://www.ilovepinatas.com

His amazing wedding invites - http://www.ilovepinatas.com/post/96647110224/im-off-work-for-a-month-to-get-married-in

Blowy day at the park

Trying to feature some time I have with my wee family. 

Personal photos are so important, and I think sometimes the worst thing about being a photographer is sometime the idea of getting your camera out to take photos when your 'not at work' seems like a hassle. I have been challenging myself, through the inspiration of a lot of my peers, to do this more as we will regret it when we are older. 

We as a family are very blessed to live close to Julies brother, David and his wife Lynda and their two kids Daisy and Tobin. The kids stagger in age, Reuben, Daisy, Ollie & Tobin and they LOVE each other. Lots of kisses, hugs and laughing. So a few Sundays a go, although the weather was cold and it rained off and on, we met up at a local park to let the kids run around. It finished off with a game of hide and seek I had with my boys. You might spot a photo later in the post that has the boys 'hiding' behind some trees. I think I had more fun they they did! haha

Looking forward over the next couple of months to use the blog more and more, mixing up some wedding work, with other work I do, although with some personal projects and things I am up to.

Bears Den // Belfast

One of my albums of last year was Bear's Den – Islands - incredible work by a great band. However I was a bit late to the party, the first time they played Belfast I was relatively unaware of them. However in March I was doing wedding photos in Texas of all places, and the first dance was about to happen and these lads got up on stage to sing the couple through this normally slightly awkward tradition. It was only after they played I found out who they were. As you can see in the photo below, they fully bought into the Texan look! 

After leaving Texas I made sure to look up this 'first dance band' - to my joy, I loved their stuff. They also released one of the best & beautiful music videos I have ever seen - shot & directed by Marcus Haney - Elysium.

So when they were calling through Belfast to play in Voodoo & I was offered the opportunity to take some photos of the band as they hung out before the gig and then some shots of the gig itself, I jumped at the chance. Now the only time I have done music photography was YEARS ago at a Foy Vance gig and then more recently at an Ellie Goulding gig in Madison Square Garden in New York [Will feature this in a future blog]. So I wasn't sure what to expect, but I had met some of the band & their management team before, so knew it would be a good laugh anyway. I love documenting parts of experiences that people dont get to see, the behind the scenes parts. So here are a selection from soundcheck right through to the end of the show. I didn't do photos whilst we where eating dinner at Made In Belfast because we were all enjoying eating too much.

So do me a favour and have a look some of the photos from that night, however do yourself a favour and listen to their stuff and/or catch them on the remainder of their UK/European Tour - Dates HERE

Uganda // Tearfund Rhythms

During February of last year [2014] I had the opportunity to head out to Uganda with Tearfund and in particular their youth dept - Rhythms 

I work park time in this dept and when the opportunity came about, I was asked to go along and shot some photos and video for a number of different UK organisations who wanted to partner with Tearfund. So 11 of us jumped on a plane to head out to visit some Tearfund partners in Uganda for 6 days.  

Organisations that where represented:

Youth for Christ GB

Church of Ireland Youth Dept

Shift 

Fusion

Summer Madness

QUB COI Chaplaincy - The Hub 

Zion Christian Centre

We visited a wide range of partners, some who housed street children and showed them what it meant to be part of a family, to partners who work in their local community to educate people on HIV/AIDS and other issues that come up. The same partner as allowed visited a group of young men who attended their boxing club, this was a great way to keep them fit and show them discipline. We also visited a community who had been supported by a Tearfund partner to get fresh clean water and sanitation, which has literally been a game changer for the people in the village. It still means they have to do runs down to the water pump, which was a 20 mins walk up and down a hill, but at least the water is clean from a pump. 

We met some incredible people, however, the person who stuck with me the most was Luke [pictured below].

Luke was the driver of the bus which took us around each of the partners and worked with us each day. Not only as a photographer, but as a person, I have always been interested peoples story. Listening to what life was like for Luke was tough, but one I will hold dear. I had many conversations with Luke during my time in Kampala, this was because I was last getting on to the bus last most of the time due to getting gear ready for the next shoot which meant I would sit in the front with him. Luke assisted me in some of these shoots and was just so unbelievably patient and supportive. I have been very fortunate to see lots of places around the world, but I sincerely say the pictures in my mind of mountains, valleys, coastlines and waterfalls, have faded with time, but the faces of people whose story I have entered into, and they into mine are as clear today as they where the moment I experienced them. 

Whenever I say to people that I have been to Uganda to work, peoples reaction seems to go one of two ways;

1. People who have been to the Uganda, tell me of how much they loved it and how amazing the people there are so special. They normally comment on how happy they are even though the have so little.

2. People who haven't been, will ask me what it is like out there, and try to explain to me how heartbroken they are by the images the see or the stories the hear. 

Both are obviously a their representation of their truth and own personal experience. For me though, I embrace both reactions with the same attitude, an attitude where I completely see both sides. I have first hand and second hand experience of the joys and horrors of life in the developing world. The challenge as a photographer and story teller through the images I take, is to have a clear and accurate essay of photos that represent what I see when I am on the ground. So in these photos you will see children who look extremely troubled, and children who are loving the innocence and freedom of being a child and in others you'll see the reality of what its like to be a man who has lost his legs due to cancer but still has to work his family land.

Humanity is a beautiful and complex thing. Just as each of us are. There are times that our life can be really tough their circumstance within or outside of our control and of course it is all relative to what your life is like day-to-day. This is true no matter where in the world I go, however the only difference I can see is that for people living and growing up in the developing world, when life is tough, on average, compared to my life or the lives of my friends and family at home, it is through things outside of their control. A challenge that has been placed on my heart is to stand shoulder to shoulder with people around the world I have met and are still to meet, and as one humanity say to each other 'Out of your lack meet my plenty & out of my lack meet your plenty'

Below is everyone who went out and a picture of all the gear that had to come with me.

Pete & Fi // Engagement // Wake Board on the Bann

Tim & Emma // Wedding // Carriage Rooms - Montalto

Robert & Suzi // Wedding // Ballydugan Mill